Hello there, welcome to kok soon's blog... look around, catch up with the goings on, listen to me complain, and hopefully get a few laughs will ya? feel free to make comments so i know how you feel and you're invited to leave a note in my tagboard coz i like to make contact. Welcome once again to the story of my life...
"...the future pours into the past via the pinch of the now..."
Books Read in 2005, later:
the writer of this blog would like to make it known that nothing written here is meant to be of an offensive or discriminatory nature. these are personal thoughts and internal processes, and should be read with a salt-shaker handy. the characters herein are non-fictional and any resemblance to anyone known, living or dead is probably intentional.
for those who have popped in every once in a while to see if i actually still blog, you might find some things over there somewhat familiar. when i say shifted, i quite literally mean it. heh.
one good plus point is that at least this somewhat technically-helpless writer actually knows how to post pictures there =)
guess i do kinda miss blogging. it's just been so crazy. perhaps it's time to find a new equilibrium.
i really shouldn't be doing this. should either be sleeping or studying. but i think i need to go for a run. all that zhut-zhut is beginning to churn my insides.
sometimes i wonder about what's happened to my blog. i know there were some people who kinda enjoyed reading all my complaints and bitching, and, seriously, i really do like to think that i have brought some amusement into some people's lives. haha =)
but somehow, i feel somewhat guilty about all of it. all this complaining i guess. when i think about how trivial my griping is to what's going on around me. it just seems so, i dunno, selfish.
yet, at the same time, we really are only so small. if we concern ourselve with the big picture all the time and refuse to allow ourselves to feel for ourselves, to disallow our petty little induglences, we sacrifice the individual and lose something important, no?
(i know, i need to work on my sentence structure.)
true, it's important that we don't lose perspective, that we don't allow our self-pity to consume us, to delude ourselves as to the gravity of our situations and shut out the big picture.
but that doesn't mean we stop feeling for ourselves altogether. and just complaining is fine, just as long as we don't take it to the point where it can actually be hurtful to anyone.
see, that's the thing about humans. we're able to rationalize around just about any problem. haha.
more and more i'm beginning to find, that life is about seeking the balance, and not always restricting ourselves to the extremes. and no, i'm not into zen.
ack see i've done it again. rambled one big round and probably losing most of my audience along the way. ah well, the price of stretching random thoughts.
although the little stretchy sensations my leg muscles are getting a hint of might render me rather useless on the morrow.
was really pleasantly surprised when out of my whining about someone to go skate with me, i had a willing partaker in keith, who went out to borrow a bike from a friend. so nice right =)
it was great. i skated to jurong to meet him, about 45 min, then we just went around jurong for about an hour and a half before splitting up to go back.
on the way back it started raining. no. pouring. no way i could've carried on. so i had to stop and take a cab back, but it was so worth the 8 bucks.
anyway, no point thinking about what a waste it was that it rained. why think of the little negative when there's so much postive out there too?
it still amazes me that he came all the way out to meet me. at first i thought he was joking, but i was more than happy that he wasn't.
to take solace in our insignificance. a paradox perhaps?
sometimes we put too much burden on ourselves. like if we failed at something, the world would end.
think about this: the impact our failures have on the world around us depends on how much we cry when we fall down. or how long we stay down.
it's perfectly acceptable to fall, indeed expected. but to just pick ourselves up, dust it off and carry on without demanding attention - now that is something we all need learn.
to let our successes, and not our failures, be felt. truly.
something about today, or at least the day gone past, that i feel i've got to write about
i feel like it's the best day i've had ever since i started school, and yet i don't really know why.
what makes it even more intriguing is that the first 9 hours were quite definitely some of the worst i've had so far.
began the day with the mid-term test for my least-favourite, to put it mildly, module. did quite badly in it. what makes it gross is not that it was really difficult or anything, just that somehow i just couldn't get things right. like in the middle of it, i remember all the module-specific formulas for a particular question and forgot the damn formula for surface area of sphere. i knew it came in the form of a number x pi x radius to the power of something. but i just couldn't for the life of me remember what they were. obviously i'm quite aware of them at this point of time so no need to remind me, thankyouverymuch. eek. and that was at 8am. too early for anything.
in the afternoon i had the most tedious chem lab til date. literally sat there for 20 min, taking time, and waiting for a stupid purple solution to turn colourless. that among others. it was just gross.
when i got back to my room i just didn't feel like doing anything but sit and zone out, and listen detachedly to the grumbling of my stomach, threatening to burn itself through if i didn't line it quick enough.
but after that things took a definite up turn. perhaps it's the point when you know you've just had it bad. and that the obstacle of studying for tests, for which the subject matter one is somewhat clueless had been crossed.
whatever it was, i bladed to danielle's place for her birthday party from school, and on the way there i just felt such incredible, perhaps inexplicable release. on the AYE crossover i felt like i could just shout and no one would notice, so i did. haha
when i got to the cow's place. whoa. i dunno. something just came loose. from the moment i sat down my tongue just shot right off. i woudn't say that i'm a very witty person or anything like that, but somehow the 'friendly insults' (can't find a better word for it just now) just kept coming. my mind hasn't worked at that speed in ages but i just talked and talked, throwing those insults everywhere, reposte, apparently apologizing to everyone and simultaneously laying it on. it was somewhat surreal. at points of time i'd wonder who this person was who was speaking with my mouth.
and yet somehow, while this is not the 'me' i've been used to recently, i also know it's part of the real 'me' that only shows up when the time is right.
and i really enjoyed it, like really. it was just so refreshing, i think, being able to rattle off and have no one think any worse of you. possibly because you couldn't get any lower. haha. although i think it was more the company than anything else. the familiarity and the gratitude of seeing all these faces again. of course, not discounting the presence of the other loudspeaker (who else?), against whose symphony any other noise becomes background. oh and cow, in case you're reading this, thanks for the chance for us to meet up, the food was great!! haha.
after that decided to blade home, and it occured to me to give dear leon a visit. haven't seen that twit in ages, and haven't had a decent conversation in the recollectable past. so i did. and it was cool.
it's amazing how somethings don't change. like his home. well, some stuff got shifted around, there were new blinds in his room and 2 rabbits too, but somehow, it's the same place i used to go to every other day last time.
it was just, (argh i still can't find the right words!) damned nice. it just felt good. not exciting, or interesting, but pleasant. comfortable. nice.
and there is something strangely reassuring, inexplicably warming, to know that after so many years - jc, army and all - this dear friend of mine can still, quite shamelessly, fall asleep with me sitting right there.
i have quite certainly missed you bro, and, when i have time to think back, wish we could hang out just like old times. those were good days. but i'm not complaining or regretting or anything. life gives as it does, and i'm damned grateful for what i've got. =)
on the trip home, there was a rather memorable section, between jurong and clementi. it's the bit with the bridge going up then sloping down quite a distance. the few times i have gone down the pavement i have had to slow myself considerably, coz of some construction going on that would be suicide to speed down. so this time, considering that there were few cars on the road, i picked my time and went on the road...
speed.
exhileration.
liberty.
i had forgotten.
to feel the wind rushing deliciously past your ears, not having to be concerned with capricious terrain, sudden turns or narrow paths. to give in to the indulgence of speed and have it course through, within and without. to have danger on the tip of your tongue, but not quite tasting it.
which hopefully explains why i have two accounts, one being the moderator account.
if you belong to any of these groups and haven't received the invite (or probably deleted it), leave your name and e-mail in the tag-board and it should happen soon. do look out for a mail from 'BLOGGER'.
yesterday: met ss at cafe galilee coz he happened to be nearby in the midst of his work. that silly boy has such a lame job man. haha. he basically takes taxi around all day collecting serial numbers from machines. some 2-week contract. but still better than the pretty much unemployed yours truly here. haha.
but anyway he gave me a taxi ride to my next destination so i guess i'm not really complaining. =)
met up with des for a swim at mt faber safra. there were these rather annoying kids in the main pool, oblivious to the fact that swimming across breadths of the pool and stopping every once in a while to play and generally scream at each other was very disruptive to the other, rather more normal, users of the pool. after all there was a shallower pool at the other end for a reason. brats.
tried out the between-the-thighs float that they used for upper body front crawl training. wah very tiring sia. halfway through the lap could feel my legs slowly bending down til i was like an L-shape in the water, and my arm-strokes weren't getting me anymore so i was quite stationery there. gave up and swam the rest of it normally.
after that dropped by church office. got my cheque for the money i spent on the bike trip last time =) ah, salve to my bankrupt soul. took the chance, since i was there, to play with the drums a bit. so fun =)
from church office went on to cell... then another late chat-up with a friend and back home.
got back late, slept late, woke up late. and now i'm here, bumming around at home. life is good =)
